What is worse than having an addiction? Having no addiction. No passion, no drive, no focus, nothing to live for. Jesus did not say do not drink that water. He said, I am the living water, drink of me and thirst no more. You cannot stop your thirst, you can only refocus it toward a healthy addiction.

I have a well-crafted idea of who I am. I am smart, kind, hard-working, generous, easygoing, funny, honest and caring. I know I fall short of my ideal but I’m honest with myself and humble to the evidence and logic that life presents me. I am not so egotistical to have created a crest for myself but I have envisioned it. This Self I must let go. I must give this all to Christ who gave all for me.

Galatian 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

I understand this logically but have only come to understand how desperately I cling to this idea of self. I am very proud of my humility. The burden of this Self I impose upon my family, friends and coworkers. I chose my words and deeds carefully, caring too much of everyone’s opinion. I wish to give my life to God but in practice I have lived my life for this idea of self.  I am broken and can’t continue in this manner. When I put myself in his hands only then can I be lifted high.